Early Relational Trauma and Psychoanalytic Developmental Theory
Chronic early failures and frustrations in emotional attunement by parents or caregivers leave us orphaned from ourselves and hungry to be seen and to be affiliated with persons, ideologies, religious leaders, self-help gurus, and philosophies which promise to organize our emotional experiences and bind fragmenting anxiety and other painful emotions.
Our needs for idealization are often pathologized in addiction. In other instances, well-meaning or mean-spirited familial pressure to perform and conform according to familial standards and values which are discordant from the character of the developing child, lead to career- or life-paths which are not one’s own.
At times, we may find ourselves living the unlived life of our parents. These situations eventually erode one’s ability to push through, compromising one’s physical health and ability to find satisfaction in life and relate well to the world around us. We may enter marriages for all the wrong reasons, and at midlife find ourselves in an emotional wasteland, seeking meaningful connection and a new direction. Often, we persist in patterns which do not align with our true identity because of fear of the unknown, or fear of experiencing the guilt of disappointing familial and societal injunctions. Midlife (and beyond) is often a time of reckoning, of re-membering, to develop those parts of ourselves which we left behind. We may find that dispelling the invisible myths to which we have been bound, frees us up to pursue a new career, bring an end to or revitalize an existing relationship, or engage our various roles with more vigor and humor. Behind the sense of being all alone in the world lies the archetypal motif of the abandoned child.